katiefoolery: (Pratchett on writing)
[personal profile] katiefoolery
I just wrote something.  Honest to goodness something for the first time in months.  There’s just one problem: It’s the end of the story and I have no idea how it starts.

Actually, that’s a lie.  I do know how it starts, because it starts with the ending and it goes a little like this:

The gun’s warm in my hands.

I didn’t think it would be.

I didn’t think it would smell like this, didn’t think it would be so loud, didn’t think you’d really just… fall like that.

And I didn’t think it would be so quiet afterwards, and so dark.  I think the world’s just ended.  I think my world was all wrapped up in you – hidden away, tied and tangled in your veins, swimming through your blood.  I think it was all there and it’s gone now.

I killed you.  I’m so sorry.  I killed you and I just can’t see this ending any other way.  If I stood here and re-played it in my head – re-lived every scene, spoke every word again – it would still end up this way.  You’d still be there, dead at my feet, and the gun would still be warm in my hands.

I’m so sorry.

And that’s great and everything.  I really embrace that sense of inevitability and the death and the onset of angst... I just wish I knew what caused it.  Should anyone feel like speculating, please do so here in this handy poll:
[Poll #1220319]
And just because I'm loving the answers to the poll so far, I'm going to post them so I can respond.
[livejournal.com profile] theemdash -- Best friends driven apart by a simple thing as a stolen pair of shoes.
Oooh, and then she strips them from the body and walks off down the alleyway! I like.

[livejournal.com profile] everydayjoy -- okay I don't know, but whoa: that is *powerful*
:D *feels ego expand*

[livejournal.com profile] flippyfrog -- LORF RYN!!!! that is all :D
O.o ...It so could be.

[livejournal.com profile] burgotastic -- I don't know why, but I've never really been a fan of 1st Person perspective. Please re-write and resubmit 2/10
Only if you re-submit your comment in third person perspective too.

[livejournal.com profile] crazedturkey -- crazedturkey gratuitously wasting tax payers money. :D
Yes, it all makes sense. "How dare you waste my hard-earned tax dollars that way?" BANG.

[livejournal.com profile] violentstylings -- Hmmmmm... maybe a brooding tale of a person's self doubt and inability to fit in the world, and all the events that push that person right to the edge... right up until the day they eat that off fruit salad, and something clicks.... and then 'bang bang'.
I can see that happening, especially the brooding bit. Too many people have been driven insane by a bit rancid apple and a spot of mould on a piece of banana.

[livejournal.com profile] danceswithelvis -- Truthfully it all reminds me of this song: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aha/ivebeenlosingyou.html So mayhap, the killer ends up sitting around and talking to the victim a bit more before shuffling off into the sunset.
Those lyrics are an almost uncanny commplement. Wow. And I can definitely see the killer telling their victim the story of their demise, too.

[livejournal.com profile] the_wanlorn -- He told her he preferred Superman to Batman.
The dastard!

[livejournal.com profile] gravityslave -- In relationships, little things get big quickly. They had been highschool sweethearts, she'd known nothing else, but her mother's recipe for fruit salad was better than his and he could never admit it...
Such a common, tragic tale. People think fruit salad's a harmless, healthy dessert but they're so very, very wrong.

[livejournal.com profile] pitkat -- Sworn enemies in a duel of inevitability – a showdown if you will. Now that the duel is over and one is left standing, he/she realizes that it was all in vein to begin with because he/she is left with no purpose. Or, maybe it's me and my thesis. ;)
Oooh, but I like that. Driven to the point of insanity, a writer's thesis takes on human form and she stalks it through the streets - determined to win, determined to bring it to her will...

[livejournal.com profile] alankria -- I'm pretty sure there was an antelope in there somewhere.
I'm pretty sure there is, too. Good call.


Mostly, I just feel like dancing like a loon because I wrote something.  A whole... one hundred and fifty words.  Oooh, that was nicely rounded off. :D

Also, I would like to make a public service announcement to the effect that [livejournal.com profile] crazedturkey committed an egregious abuse of tax-payer money earlier this evening and everyone should be aware of this fact.

on 2008-07-09 12:12 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pixelgoddess.livejournal.com
Does there have to be more? I like it just as is (although I'm sure I'd like it if there was more as well.) It's just such a powerful moment... But if there's more maybe it should be about the removal of the body - either to dispose of the evidence or by the police, etc.

on 2008-07-09 01:33 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
Well... I'd like there to be more, but I guess it does stand alone quite well. The story wanted to head backwards at this point, despite the fact I have no idea what's happened prior to this point. But after your suggestion, I'm kinda leaning towards a sort of split where the past and the future of the story blend together.

Hmm.

on 2008-07-09 01:35 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] vicky-v.livejournal.com
I'm going to second [livejournal.com profile] pixelgoddess in that it's a good stand alone piece as it is.

Then again, I wouldn't be objecting to a bit of an extension either. The fifth paragraph makes me particularly curious.

As for including fruit salad ... dicing up the body and mixing it in? Then again, that's probably a tad too morbid for the character going by what we see here.

on 2008-07-09 01:44 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
It was the fifth paragraph that made me write this, actually. It all began with the scene itself and it seemed interesting enough to me... until that feeling of inevitability snuck in. I desperately want to know why it could never end any other way! And I guess I'm going to have to write it to find out. :D

And yeah, that is morbid, but you're the only person who's taken on the fruit salad challenge thus far so bonus points for you.

on 2008-07-09 03:44 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] danceswithelvis.livejournal.com
I rather like it as a stand alone short, truthfully. The killer seems a bit regretfull that they don't honestly feel as bad as they should, and the situation sounds like a no win situation from the start.

ETA: sorry for the inbox spammage. Fruit salad? Maybe the waiter got snotty with a customer when they tried to send it back?

on 2008-07-10 01:03 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
That's a highly-plausible fruit salad scenario - I like it. :D

I can't quite decide if I'm glad it works as a stand-alone or not. On the one hand, it is kinda neat that I have this self-contained story of 150 words; on the other hand, I really want it to stand as a hook to draw people in to the rest of the story. I guess I'll just see what happens.

And inbox spammage is never a bad thing. :D

on 2008-07-30 03:07 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snarkymonkey.livejournal.com
HI!! I'm sneaking in a quick post as I'm going to be changing my blog shortly; I'm going to close the snarkymonkey name and open a different one. I have former friends I no longer want to be connected with and so the snarky name must vanish. :( But! I will let you know when I change it; dragging my feet as I just paid for the blog this year. XD

Anyhoo, I just wanted to warn you of that. =3

How's life going? How's the return to writing? (Reminds me that I need to attempt the same. XD!)

on 2008-07-30 03:46 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
Ah, change is good. I'll be friending your new journal as soon as you let me know what it is. :D

Things are going OK, I guess. Unfortunately, I keep getting drabbles or scenes in my head, rather than entire stories... but I might as well keep writing them, I suppose.

I hope everything's going well for you, too.

on 2008-07-30 04:22 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snarkymonkey.livejournal.com
Apparently, I wasn't read to go to bed just yet because I cobbled one together here a few minutes ago. [livejournal.com profile] ink_to_papyrus is the new one. Rather prissy sounding but I like it. =3

Still, scenes are fun, ye? They're really only troublesome when you're at work and one pops into your head thus ruining you for an entire day's duties. XD I encourage these scenes wholeheartedly. =3

Things are dandy, I must say. =3 Sumi and Sophie have a new cat perch and are pleased as punch. XD It's also a source of amusement for me. I'll have to post pictures soon. =3

How is darling Pickle?

on 2008-08-07 08:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] moonlitpromise.livejournal.com
O.O Holy damn. That's good...

on 2008-08-07 10:05 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
Thank-you so much! You made my morning with this unexpected praise. :)

on 2008-08-07 10:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] moonlitpromise.livejournal.com
No problem.

I have a question though. Do you find it hard to write that well? Like, do you have to think about it intensely to get the words to flow smoothly like that? Because I try to write well and I'm just not good at it. I'm getting better but it's taking so long and I'm a fairly impatient person.

Haha.

on 2008-08-08 08:01 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
I don't think writing's ever easy, except on rare occasions. Sometimes, it's an almost painful process to put the right words together; other times, they just flow. When I write, I find I'm very aware of rhythm - I always want my words to flow in the best possible way. There are quite a lot of repeated words in this little piece, which I used to link the ideas and images together.

Just keep writing and you'll keep improving. More importantly, you'll keep developing your own style. But yeah, it takes time and I suspect that, as a writer, you'll always want to be better than you currently are. It's just one of those ironies of life.

on 2008-08-08 08:51 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] moonlitpromise.livejournal.com
Yeah, I guess you're right. Writing is like the rest of life. You go through it wishing there was a shortcut. u.u

on 2008-09-11 08:02 pm (UTC)
Posted by (Anonymous)
You have an opportunity to tell us the ending first, then tell the story leading to the point, then at the end, go one step further.

It has that Carlito's Way or Pulp Fiction feel where the story only makes sense in a disjointed out of order retelling of the events.

I like it. Good Luck...

Doug
www.dougveeder.com

on 2008-09-13 06:44 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] katiefoolery.livejournal.com
If this ever did lead to a longer story, that's pretty much the way I see it going: this would be the start and it would go slowly backwards from there. Hopefully I'll find some inspiration to continue it soon.

I have no idea how you happened across this, but thanks very much for giving me your thoughts on it. :)

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