15minuteficlets // Prompt word: congratulations // “Stuck”

[katiefoolery]

My second ficlet for the 15minuteficlets community.

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Title: Stuck
Fandom: Original
Rating: G/PG
Word count: 566
Word prompt: Congratulations

“Congratulations!  You're an idiot,” she sneers.  “Why not take a minute or two to revel in how truly stupid you are?”

I say nothing.  What can you say in the face of such polished sarcasm?  She looks back at me with a strange mixture of derision and expectation in her expression.

“Well?” she says.  “Cat got your tongue?”  She paces to the wall and back, arms still crossed.  “It’s amazing how you can be perfectly quiet now yet when I wanted you to stay silent, you wouldn’t shut up.”

There’s obviously no point in talking.  I know she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say; she’s quite happy to rant on and on like this.  It’s as though telling me how stupid I am is somehow making her feel better about the whole situation.

Hah!  What do I mean, ‘somehow’?  Pointing out other people’s flaws always makes her feel better.

Especially when that flaw has left us stuck here in this cell with nothing in the way of furnishing except ourselves.

She turns and stares at the wall and I can see her shoulders shaking slightly.  That’s never a good sign.  On the other hand, I’m left with a few minutes of silence and I use them to wish that I was stuck in here with someone else.  Anyone else.  Even Rocco, who likes to try and crack your shoulder as a friendly greeting.

Even that nameless guy who always looks creepily excited whenever you mention death.

Anyone.

Anyone but her and her stupid meaningless words that manage to hurt more than one of Rocco’s friendly greetings.

Someone once said that maybe a kiss would shut her up.  But who’d want to kiss something that was capable of such malice and hurt?  I’m not even remotely tempted and I never have been.  She’s heartless and cold-blooded and way too good at blaming everyone else for everything that goes wrong.

It’s never her fault.

“Idiot,” she whispers, still facing the wall.  “We are going to die.  Thanks so much for that.”

“We’ll get out of this,” I say, immediately regretting that I opened my mouth at all.  She’ll pounce on those words and find something else to ridicule me for.

“Out of a solid cell with two-foot thick steel walls?” she says.

See?

“And how do you propose that, exactly”

Well, what am I supposed to say?  That the rest of our team will rescue us?  That I’m hiding a blowtorch somewhere on my body?  That if I whistle just right, I can break down the molecular structure of the walls?

...maybe a kiss would shut her up...

No way.  I’m not thinking about that.  No.

No.

If five simple words can result in a storm of scorn, then imagine what a kiss would do.

No way.

She turns around to face me again and slides down until she’s sitting on the floor.  I won’t look at the way her hair’s curling around her face.  I won’t look at the sudden emptiness in her eyes.

Eyes front, soldier.  Be strong.

The walls shake and there’s a sudden muted boom in the distance, then a much closer yell.  Sounds like Rocco’s saying hello to someone out there.

Her eyes widen in surprise.  “They came for us?”

I grin at the wall above her head.  “Congratulations,” I say.  “You really suck at having faith in your team.”

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Comments and feedback are most appreciated!

Comments

[flamehail.livejournal.com]

Ha! I get first dibs on telling you "They came for us?" not "They came from us?"

Otherwise, lovely! I like these. ^_^

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised there's only one error, actually. This is the third time I typed the story up, if you count the time I wrote it. I'm thoroughly sick of doing that now!

Thanks for the compliment and I'm glad you're liking the ficlets. :D

[crazedturkey.livejournal.com]

Yay!!!!

I liked it :D Can't tell you more exhaustively why..but I liked it :D

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Why thank-you, good Gill. :D

[rigel-7.livejournal.com]

I don't know why, but I decided that the main character here was female.

And that just made it even better :D

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

You know what? I'm still not even sure whether the main character is male or female. The whole way through, I had no idea and I'm none the wiser now. :P

The LJ-reading heads decided straight off that it was male, which is funny, considering their obsession with lesbians...

[the-kaytinator.livejournal.com]

PML!!!

That was brilliant! Oh, I SO want to see more of these two characters!!! There's so much potential in both of them!!! And in their relationship.

And let's talk about URST!!!

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, let's talk about the URST! :D

I'm having so much fun writing these things. It's quite a challenge, having to suddenly come up with characters and situations and then make something happen. But it's definitely an enjoyable challenge and it's making me feel so positive about my writing.

And so far, both of my ficlets have asked me more questions than they've answered.

[alankria.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that was fun! In that short space you really manage to paint these two characters, give them a lively and interesting interaction, and the conclusion wraps it all up very nicely.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly! I'm quite glad I've actually managed to conclude both of my ficlets so far. It's rather good training for writing longer stories, really.

[snarkymonkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like this muchly! I love the little back and forth the central character has in that inward sense. It's a lovely bit of characterization. Nicely done, my friend. ^___^

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly, good Karen! :D

[busy-liz.livejournal.com]

Cool! Sounds like a skit I once watched some fellow drama students do. (I can't remember what it was called.) Very creepy! Very precise, and to the point too. They sound a little immature perhaps, but then - I haven't got the rest of the story to learn about their characters! I like these prompts :-)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly for your feedback. I'm very glad you're liking these. :D Have you thought of doing them yourself? I guarantee it's a lot of fun.

[starlingthefool.livejournal.com]

Loved it! The female character kind of sounds like me. I am the High Duchess of sarcastic remarks.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you! I'm a great fan of sarcastic remarks myself. :D

YES!!

[rhianon76.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I LOVE YOU *jumps up and down and gives you great big glomps and bear-hugs*

Someone else wrote a short fic piece with a MC who has no name, no face, no gender! Gawd, I'm not alone *dies from relief*

They've gotta be the most annoying muses in the fecking world.

*can breathe now* I feel so much better. Did I mention I love you?

Re: YES!!

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Come to think of it, you may have mentioned it once or twice there. :D

It's certainly good to know I'm not alone in this. All the way through, I was begging, pleading, yelling... What the hell gender are you, curse it?! And there was no definitive reply.

It was fun to write, though.

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

Hi. I caught your profile on ffnet while leaving a comment for cantera's story. So, I thought I'd check out your LJ. This is really nice. You have a lovely style, especially with respect to the first person perspective. Usually, I don't like those types of stories, but this is really well done. I'm going to check out some of your other writing...:)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Well, hello and welcome in that case. :D Thanks for your thoughts on this story; I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

And huzzah for a DBZ-loving friend around my own age!

*dances*

Ooh - I just had a peek at your DA gallery and now I have to go and look closer at your photographs.

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

Hahah, I used to think DBZ-readers/writers were limited to the teeny-boppers and that I was just a weirdo with an overactive imagination. I'm glad I'm wrong. :)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Me too! Then I found out there are DBZ writers and readers of all ages and most of them are delightfully nuts.

You can still be a weirdo with an overactive imagination if you want, though. :D

[flippyfrog.livejournal.com]

Oush, the problem with these things is that they're two second views into someone's life and all it does is make me want to shake something violently and yell "AND THEN WHAT?????"

*a pengiun hands Flit a pancake shaker mix*

penguin: and then there are pancakes

Flit: oh! well, that makes sense...

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Ooh, there are pancakes?

I love it when people yell out "AND THEN WHAT?????" after reading my stories. That's how I know I've done a half-decent job. :P

I think the "brief glimpse" aspect of these ficlets is what appeals to me the most. No need to bother with all that tedious building-up and plotting - I just go straight for the interesting bits.