15minuteficlets // Prompt word: thunderous // “Shards”

[katiefoolery]

Ficlet time again!  I don’t have any complaints about this week’s word - it did its job nicely this time around.  Bonus points if you can guess it, though.

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Title: Shards
Fandom: Original
Rating: G
Word count: 431 words
Prompt word: thunderous


It shakes the walls, I swear it does.  Floorboards quiver.  Windows rattle in their frames.  And that really tacky vase my grandmother gave me last year (but which I love dearly) falls to the floor in the aftermath, shattering into tacky little pieces of tackiness.

I mourn its passing with a little salute and a quick bar or two of something that sounds vaguely like Amazing Grace... but probably more like that really annoying song that was just on the radio.  I never was very musical.

Oh, she’s storming back.

“What,” she begins, staring at me in disbelief, “are you doing just standing there?”

I look back at the shards of my vase and her eyes follow my gaze.

“What is that?”

“It was my vase,” I say.  Maybe I should start picking the pieces up?  Otherwise someone might stand on them.  And by ‘someone’ I mean ‘me’, because no‑one else in this house is as clumsy or absent-minded as me.

She frowns in puzzlement at the shards of tackiness.  “Vase?”  Then her frown clears... and turns into a scowl.  “You mean the thing that looked like a plastic clown had been shoved in a microwave and then covered in sequins?”

I smile.  That describes it exactly.  Well, described it.  It’s dead now.

“Thank god,” she says.  “That thing used to give me the worst nightmares.  Now stop moping over it and get ready.”

“But...”

She grinds her teeth, actually grinds her teeth at me.  “Look, I’m sorry it’s broken, OK?  But it was... an abomination, alright?  Now get over it and Get Ready.”

She storms off again and this time it sounds as though she’s leading an entire army through the house.

I shouldn’t be moping over this thing, really.  It’s just a really tacky thing my grandmother gave me.  It probably only cost her a dollar from an op shop or something.  But it’s always been there (well, since last year), sitting on my dresser and looking really hideous.  I never minded it.  It always reminded me of my grandmother.  Not that she looks hideous...  She just has this strange habit of buying ugly things out of pity.

Poor ugly deformed‑clown vase.

I walk off before she can storm back and yell at me some more.  We still have at least ten minutes before we have to go.  I can get out of my pyjamas before then.

“Ow!  Shiii‑‑‑!”

Yeah, I really should have swept that up before walking off, because I just stepped on one of the shards in my bare feet.

Stupid vase.  I’m glad it’s dead.

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Comments and criticisms are most welcome.

Comments

[crazedturkey.livejournal.com]

That made me giggle. Poor little clown vase.

Is it just me or are you writing a lot of angry people lately??? *wonders if she should hide from Katie*

[blindmouse.livejournal.com]

*grin* for your icon.

Er... and I will read the actual ficlet at a time when I have more than two minutes of my lunch break left.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it, good Gill. :) And I'm not sure - maybe all of my characters were just too laid-back before?

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Glad you like the icon, good Blindmouse. :D My posts-by-email go out with my default icon on them, so I had to think for a while before I could remember which was my default at the time.

[charliemc.livejournal.com]

I think it's fabulous. I was there right there in the room with the characters (always a good thing) and I could feel the sadness of the protagonist and the annoyance of the second character (all good).

I love the way it ends, by the way. Perfect.

A couple of comments...

I'm not sure about how punctuation works for you, as this seems to vary from country to country (and the version used in Great Britain makes me nuts), but you wrote:

‘me’,

...and I would write that as:

'me,'

...with the comma inside the single quotes (always correct here in the U.S.).

I also have to admit that I'm a tiny bit confused by the beginning of this story. Is the shaking caused by the second character 'storming' around? My initial reaction was that there had been a minor earth quake, but now I'm uncertain...

(I guess that's my way of saying I'd prefer a slightly different opener, though I'm not suggesting you drop any of what's there -- far from it!)

I'm also really not a fan of 'smart quotes' (ugh) -- but I guess that's a matter of personal preference!

It's wonderful that I can just picture that ugly vase in my mind's eye. You certainly have a way with words, Katie! Lovely job.

And thanks for taking the time to share with us!

[charliemc.livejournal.com]

By the way, both Marilyn mistressmarilyn and I just love the 'beta' icon!!! Wonderful (and so clever)!

(hugs)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly for your feedback, good Charlie! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :) Yes, the beginning of the story was caused by the other character storming about. I think I was going to go into more detail there before the ficlet decided to head in a different direction.

And yes - that punctuation is correct here, although I know it differs in the US. We tend not to put inverted commas or quotes at the end of a sentence (or around a comma) unless it's dialogue.

Thanks again for your response - I think you almost wrote more than I did in my ficlet! :D

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you! The idea just popped into my head one day and I finally had a chance to make it over the weekend. :)