What’s wrong with Black Fiddle...

I know what’s wrong with Black Fiddle!  Even better, I know what’s right with it, too.  There’s so much right with it that I want to dance about and hug people.  I can even handily ignore the fact that I know there’s a great deal of work ahead of me because I’m actually looking forward to it.  That’s right - for the first time since I finished the first draft, I actually feel hopeful and positive about this second draft.  I think I can do it.

I finally have a smidgeon of faith in my abilities there.

I think the main reason for my dissatisfaction in the past has been the last third of the draft.  It’s not great.  But I know why it’s not great, now - because the ending is completely wrong.  It’s the wrong ending for the story entirely, in fact.  There’s a point where the story could go one of two ways and I took it the wrong way the first time around.  This time, I’ll go the other way and it will be better for it.

There’s so much work to do, though.  There are characters to be fleshed out and new ones to be introduced.  I have to resolve Jeannie’s relationship with Meggan - that’s an important one.  I think I let my own impatience with Meggan’s character intrude on Jeannie’s feelings and poor Meggan suffered as a result.  Most of what Jeannie does is for Meggan anyway, so there must be a reason behind that, beyond simply being sisters.

I have to spend a great deal of time with Cianan and induce him to tell me all his secrets.  The main reason he hardly tells Jeannie anything in the first draft is due to the fact that he wouldn’t tell me anything, either.  But he shall learn.  If he doesn’t behave, I’ll give him a limp and a wall-eyed countenance.

I thought I’d get rid of the Way of the Dead entirely, but the first half of it is actually quite good.

So, in an effort to make a start, tonight shall be spent painstakingly converting all of the scenes to single sentences.  I’m hoping this will assist me in re-arranging the structure of the story slightly.  The best bit is that it will make me feel productive!  The elusive second draft will finally begin!

*insert mad dance of excitement here*

In the meantime, I thought I’d share a couple of excerpts from the first draft with you all.  Please remember that these are completely untouched pieces - I wrote the first draft in one go and there has been no editing to speak of since then.

These three excerpts come from my favourite part of the book so far.  Jeannie has arrived in a city called Calladan and has been arrested and imprisoned for playing music in a market square.  She quickly learns that music is reserved for the wealthy elite and that she can expect to stay in prison until she either faces trial or is "bought".  Eventually, she ends up as a servant in a large house in Calladan, where she washes dishes, cleans floors and turns the pages for the daughter of the house as she plays her flute incredibly badly.

* * * * *

This excerpt comes from a section where Jeannie has been locked in an underground storeroom as punishment for, well, for being Jeannie, really.  She’s going ever so slightly insane when an unquenchable desire for music overtakes her.
( Somewhere in the darkness, the longing for the Fiddle awoke in Jeannie... )

* * * * *

In her time as a servant in Calladan, Jeannie strikes up an uneasy alliance with a girl called Eilish.  But Eilish is no ordinary servant and Jeannie quickly learns the truth of her nature.  She has been brought up to hate people like Eilish, but when Eilish offers to teach her how to fill the empty spaces in her music, Jeannie can’t bring herself to refuse.
( Five minutes was all she could stand... )

* * * * *

And then there's Cianan.  They bring out the worst and the best in each other and spend as much time hiding their own secrets as they do glaring at each other.  Jeannie’s servitude comes to an end when Cianan arrives, although Jeannie’s pride is stung to the core to be found in such a situation by such a person.
( “What is this?” Cianan asked... )