Was it something I said?

[katiefoolery]

I seem to have a habit (rarely applied, thankfully) of developing characters who decide they want to die.  It first happened in Black Fiddle when one of my characters eventually got sick of what was going on and stepped up one day to tap me politely on the shoulder.

For instance:
Character whose name I’ll withhold to avoid potential spoilers in the event that I actually ever finish Black Fiddle, submit it, get it published and... oh, let’s start again...

Nameless character: *taps politely on my shoulder*
Me: Er, yes?
Nameless character: Look, you do know I’m going to die, don't you?
Me: You are?
Nameless character: *weighty sigh*
Me: Hey, don’t sigh at me like that!  And no - you can’t die; you just came into this story.  You haven’t done your job yet.
Nameless character: Nevertheless, I fear I tire of living.

And that was it.  She died on me.  And on Jeannie too, I suppose.  She definitely wasn’t happy about the whole situation.

It happened again yesterday while I was at work, although this one’s even stranger.  For the last few months, I’ve had at least four characters rattling around in my head, telling me bits and pieces about themselves and forming an image of the country in which they live.  Alas, they haven’t seen fit to give me an actual plot to go with them.  They seem to think this is where I come in.

Instead, they just sit there and develop.  One in particular started off as nothing.  All I knew about him was that his name was Mack and he was assigned as some sort of guard by the fey to one of the human characters.  He was the strong and silent type and it took a while to get to know him but once I did, he really opened up.  In a sort of taciturn, silent way.  I love him to little bits, much to his discomfort.

And yesterday, he showed me how he was going to die.

It was so unexpected.  There I was, reading random fanfic while at work (my protest against the blocking of LJ...) when a line in one of the stories I was reading suddenly inspired an amazing image of light and energy and self-sacrifice.  And there was Mack, pointing at this image and quietly telling me that this was how he was going to die.

It’s the first time I’ve ever had to creep out of the workroom and into the toilets so I could cry about the death of a character whose story I haven’t even written.  I was amazed at myself, in fact, sitting there in the loo with tears running down my face.  How could he do this to me?

I’d like to know I'm not alone, though.  In fact, I need to know I’m not alone.  Someone else tell me I’m not the only one whose characters decide to die on them without asking permission first.  Please?

Comments

[morbane.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, d'Bunne. That doesn't usually happen to me, although I do go through the protracted agonies of characters who want to nearly die then gloriously recover. About the closest recent example I can recall is having an indignant argument with Yirry about whether or not she has an aunt on her mother's side. Yirry was complaining about the existential angst her aunt was now going through. Or could be going through. Gah.

[blindmouse.livejournal.com]

For the most part, for me character deaths are something that happen to other people. Less careful people. So I don't have much to go on by way of comparison. I do have a major character death lined up for the end of Ceres, and for a while there was a bit of jostling over who it was going to be. I knew who it ought to be, thematically, but I wasn't sure I could push my protagonist out into a world in which this character didn't exist anymore. She would quietly tell me that I knew it was her, and I would argue that there must be somebody else more expendable around.

Anyway, as proof of my inability to kill off characters, I've since worked out a sneaky way for her to sort of come back.

[snarkymonkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, you are most certainly not alone in that regard. I have one character I adore madly -- also one that a friend adores -- and both have decided to die. One gets a dramatic death the other, not so much.

But my character's take over so quickly. Jinate, the lead of Under Darker Skies, was originally a strange low-level soldier. Now he's prince of a demonic race.

Jerk.

XD

*scritches* I feel for you, my dear. I think all we can do is gripe among equals. ^___^

[funaga.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know about my OWN characters, but I can assure you I am cursed forever with my favourite characters from books/movies/you name it dying or going away indefinitely (or both) :(

There is only one exception to this rule, but that story isn't done yet and so my worst nightmare may yet come to pass.

[elfie-chan.livejournal.com]

It doesn't generally happen to me. I think I had a character tell me that she was going to die once, at which point I believe I said, "Look, let's be logical about this. You're the main character. You can't die until at least the end." She didn't die. I triumphed. At least, I think I did. I may have dreamt the whole thing. I occasionally have dreams like that. At least it wasn't the groaning zombie heads. I hate that dream.

Umm...back on topic. Other than that once vague instance, I don't think I've had a beloved protagonist threaten to die. I have a beloved villain who is threatening, but I may have to be firm with him and bargain for mere insanity. We shall see. He'll probably wind up gored, anyway, in the name of poetic justice. *sigh* You're not alone. I can say that I haven't cried over him, however.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

On the up side, thank goodness I'm not alone in talking to these people! And existential angst is nothing to be sneezed at, so it's almost as bad. :D

I wonder if I could persuade Mack to mysteriously recover. Alas, I don't like my chances at the moment; he is most taken by this glorious, self-sacrificing death of his.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Hehe - 'less careful people'. You know, you're probably right there. If I'd paid a bit more attention to Mack, I might have been able to steer him away from even contemplating this course of action.

Good luck with keeping that character of yours alive. Keep an eye on them at all times and you should be right. ;)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Oh yes - that's just as bad, isn't it? I'm fully expecting Dameon to die at the end of The Sending, so I'm almost glad it hasn't been published yet. I don't want it to happen!

*wails*

[naelany.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Characters are so damn sneaky. I mean, Mack was supposed to be a nobody. In fact, I was looking over my first notes for this story a while ago and the bit about him read simply "Mack - fey grunt". And that was it. And then he wound his way into my heart so it would hurt more when he decided to die. Bastard.

Ah well, a little griping among equals is better than suffering alone. :D

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Hehe - thanks. :D

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever had a character die on me without permission, but I can say that I tend to write stories disjointedly because the characters want to only tell me parts of it in detail. Can't go from the beginning to the end in one simple shot. That would be normal and I would be sane. So, as a result, most of my fanfic and short personal short stories tend to start somewhere in the second, third, or even fifteenth chapter. I know sort of what happens before and after, but it's all a blur.

Sorry, hun. Ah, but it's been this way my entire life. I have an outline. Getting it fleshed out is a whole separate issue. I sometimes wake up with a wonderful plot in my head and a set of characters to boot, but no ending to accompany it. Then I spend the rest of the day pondering over how to get past the loopholes in the story to make it readable. Then I give up after a while. Kind of sad, really...

[naelany.livejournal.com]

you're welcome ^_~. Can't say much to the whole character dying thing, since I don't write lol

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Well, I can understand your not crying over the villain and his potential goring. That does sound like fun, though. Good on you for triumphing over your characters. I wish I had some of that power over Mack.

Hope the groaning zombie heads dream stays away for a while.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

The weirdest bit about this character is that I haven't even written any of his story down! All I have are notes and his constant presence in my imagination. I shall never forgive him for dying like that on me.

You know, normal and sane is quite over-rated. I used to write my stories from beginning to end - that is, as far as reading it went. Often, they'd skip about and jump from place to place as I was going along. But it sometimes get so boring. I can see a good bit up on the horizon, but I have to write all this boring stuff before I can get there. So now I tend to write bits and pieces as they appeal to me. At the moment, one of my stories consists purely of a final scene and some vague ideas of what happened beforehand. It's most unlike my "normal" way of writing... and I like it!

I sometimes wish there was an easier way to get those characters and outlines to just form themselves into a story other than writing it myself. :P

[gravityslave.livejournal.com]

Not yet, but I don't doubt it'll happen one. Day. Take heart, good Buneater= perhaps this is the way that Conan Doyle felt about Holmes at Reichenbach... and we all know what happened after that!

[gravityslave.livejournal.com]

What the heck was that?! I meant "one day", not what I wrote.
Blast my complete lack of useable mind!

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

Heh, I vote for a mindscan! I think I read it somewhere in a Stephen King novel. It's a devise that writes down your thoughts and this guy used it as a way of writing down story ideas from his dreams. Turns into a a bad deal that I'm sure a spider is involved with somewhere in there.

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to write something from beginning to end. Even in scientific writing, I often start with the most basic part and expand on the discussion from there. In fact, I think that was how I was taught. Ruined my creative methods forever.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Oh yes indeed. Now all I have to do is come up with a semi-plausible explanation. Either that, or just get one of the other characters to go and pick up all the hundreds of thousands of bits of Mack and stick them back together again...

[rhianon76.livejournal.com]

Hmm, yes. I recall one of my characters dying on me in a short story I did. I didn't know him all that well, really, but he'd had a bad lot in life to begin with and just when things were beginning to turn around for him, he went and died. *ah, the melodramatic talent of muses*

*big hugs, passes the tissue box, and cries with you*

[flamehail.livejournal.com]

YES! You're not alone. I think everyone else has said that. But Rine did that to me, too. I figured she'd pretty much never die, but then she told me she would, and how, and everything. And it's depressing!

But death scenes, and killing characters, is fascinating, really. I don't know...it's really sad, and it's weird because you at once really do have control (right?) over their lives and deaths, and at the same time, you don't. It's a strange paradox, I guess. And a lot of times, yeah, it involves the character choosing his death, which people so rarely get to do in real life. It's just so odd!

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

*takes a handful of tissues*

I feel so sorry for him but I guess this is what comes of being the sort of character who doesn't say a lot with words; eventually, you end up saying A LOT by destroying yourself to save someone else.

Still, it's all very dramatic, isn't it? It doesn't hurt to have a bit of angst and drama thrown in every now and then. :D

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

*in shock*

Rine died? How did I miss that? And what did she go and do that for? Why do these characters do this to us?

You're right - it is a weirdly fascinating feeling to have absolute control and absolutely none at all over our characters. I wonder if we writers are ever really in control at any stage of the writing process...

[elfie-chan.livejournal.com]

You sound far more attached to your character than I am. In some ways, I'm envious--I wish that I knew my characters that well. I also wish I had more time to write.

Well, my villain is delightfully obnoxious. I love to detest him. He thinks he's Mr. Darcy, but he's not.

Best of luck with Mack. I hope he learns to behave.

And thank you. The zombie dreams suck.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Well, if we can eliminate the kink with the spiders, then I'm all for that mindscan concept. That would save so much time and procrastination!

I hear you on the academic-writing-destroying-creativity. I couldn't write any fiction at all last year when I was studying, otherwise I would have spent half my time looking for quotes to back up what I was writing about and making sure I was footnoting them properly...

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm not this attached to all of my characters. :D Sometimes, one will come along and just steal my heart and hang around with me in my imagination all day until I feel like I know them better than the people around me. Jane's another one like that, the silly, furniture-obsessed girl. Thankfully, she hasn't expressed any desires to die yet...

I do like the sound of your villain who thinks he's Mr. Darcy. Is he in the Cassandra story, or is this from something different?

[crazedturkey.livejournal.com]

You are not alone dear Katie. I am a TERRIBLE writer, in that my characters control me, I do not control them.

And I cry over them all the time. Not just death, but sadness. It is one of the problems with being a truly immersive writer. You go through the ups and downs together.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Good Gill, I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who cries over her characters. I felt a little bit silly, sitting in there and crying about someone who doesn't even exist.

So you're saying that all of your characters want those horrible things to happen to them? :P

[crazedturkey.livejournal.com]

It's more a case of I put them in the terrible situations, but then they never seem to try and dig themselves out. So yeah, in a sense they do want the bad things to happen to them.

I seem to be a conduit for misery. It's an interesting thought isn't it.

[gravityslave.livejournal.com]

Anyone in love with him would agree to do that in an instant.
There's always a way, and some ways happen in parallel universes rather than this one, but they happen nonetheless.

[elfie-chan.livejournal.com]

Jane is delightful. I have this image of her decorating your brain, as she has decided to become your Muse. And she is not allowed to die. So there.

Not-Mr.-Darcy is, indeed, Cassandra's nemesis. I need to work on him a bit, but there are some lovely sniping bits of dialogue that I'm looking forward to writing after I get some papers done.

[starlingthefool.livejournal.com]

I hate it when my characters up and die on me. You'd think I'd at least get a say in it, but no.
I can't say I've cried over my characters, but it takes a lot to get me to cry. I kind of wish it were otherwise, because I have felt abject guilt and misery on behalf of my characters - especially this epic fic I'm co-authoring, where my favorite character gets thrown in prison and beaten almost to death. Gah. That put me in a funk for days, and it's not like you can really talk to people about it, is it?

Them: What's wrong, Nicole?
Me: Billy almost died!
Them: Who's Billy?
Me: Er, someone in my head.
Them: ...Ah. Right.
*awkward silence*
Me: Oh, shut up.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

It is indeed quite interesting, but it certainly makes for plenty of angst. And you do angst so well. :)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Ah yes - some non-writers are notorious for not understanding how important these people in our heads are.

The whole crying-over-imaginary-character's-death thing was a first for me. I've been moved to the whole guilt and misery thing, but never to tears before.

[flippyfrog.livejournal.com]

One of the first novels i started writing as a kid, i created this character i fell in love with. She was just fantastic and fascinating and i was so excited about her. Then i was writing away, writing this escape scene when before i knew it literally, *bang* she was shot, and she wasn't coming back. I wrote it without realising what i had written until it had happened and then i stared at the paper and sobbed. (I'm feeling a bit teary about it now :( )
Not happy with it, i rewrote that moment, and forced her to stay alive. Twenty thousand words later i realised my mistake and had to scrap all those words, go back and let her die.
And it's kept happening. Over and Over. But at least now i know to listen and let it happen. Nothing worse then having to chuck 20 thousand words.
So yeah, not alone there :P

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly, good Flit. That is quite a compelling warning to me not to try and convince Mack not to die. I don't think I'd like having to go back and re-write his death all over again.

I shall now dance the dance of one who is happy to discover she's not alone in crying over the deaths of her own imaginary characters.

*does so*

[flippyfrog.livejournal.com]

oooohhhh nice pirouettes

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

I've been practising. Note the lack of falling over in an embarrassing fashion. That's a marked improvement on last time. :P