15minuteficlets // Prompt: misled // “He Smiles”

[katiefoolery]

My first writing challenge piece!  Thanks to the wonderful suggestions of my friends list, I was able to spend a great deal of time trawling about some challenge communities and choose at least one to start with.  I'm sure more will follow soon enough.

This piece is for the 15minuteficlets comm.  Once a week, you spend fifteen minutes writing a response to a prompt word, which you then post to the community.  I had so much fun writing this piece, heading vaguely off into the unknown with not the faintest idea of where I was going.  And I learnt that five minutes can seem like fifteen sometimes.

I shall now step aside so the writing can be seen.

---

Title: He Smiles
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG (PG-13?)
Word Count: 437
Prompt Word: Misled

“You misled me.”

He smiles; a slow gesture of amusement.  “Truly?” he asks.  “Think about it, Rena.  If you didn’t want to be here, would I have been able to tempt you so?”

I open my mouth to respond, but my subconscious is upon me before a word can come out.  Is it true? it asks me, in the annoying way of such inner voices.  Are you lying to yourself?

He waits, smugness in his eyes.

“You said...”

“I said what?  Everything you wanted to hear?  All those things that no-one else tells you but that you secretly know are true?”  He steps closer and I am backed into a wall.  The light of the setting sun blinds my eyes.  “How beautiful you are; how your eyes are a glimpse into your amazing soul.  How strong!  How irresistable.  How I cannot stop from touching you.”

Every word is a blade through my heart.

“How I didn’t want to love you,” he murmurs.  “Yet how powerless I was to resist your allure.”  He runs curled fingers by my face, a hair’s breadth from touching.  “Are those the things I said, Rena?  Is that how I misled you?”

I can’t answer.  My body seethes with hate and yet I still long for him to touch me.  Those hands have caused such horror and pain and a part of me can’t help but wonder how they would feel on my skin.  Would his fingers be rough as they caressed my face?  Or strangely gentle as they pushed the straps of my dress off my shoulders?

Yes, he spoke to all the secret desires in me.  He didn’t mislead me: I misled myself.  And that doesn’t make me feel any better.

“Then leave me alone,” I say, trying to ignore his breath on my face and the warmth of his body in front of me.  “Go away.”

He shakes his head and grants me another languid smile full of cruelty.  “No.”

“Yes.”  Fear is suddenly in my veins and I push against the wall as though it will miraculously open up and provide me with an escape.  “You’ve had your fun.  You’ve played your little game.  Now go.”

And stop smiling like that.  Please.

He laughs.  “My game, you say?”  He is even closer than before, inclining his head towards the crook of my neck.  His lips taste the skin of my throat.  “My game is far from over, Rena,” he promises, whispering into my ear.  His hand runs up the curves of my body, sending confused messages of delight and fear to my brain.  “My game is only just beginning.”

---

Comments and feedback are welcome.  :D

Comments

[the-kaytinator.livejournal.com]

That was very interesting. And a touch disturbing. I like it. Short and effective.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly, good Kayt. :)

The disturbing element made it very hard to choose the rating for the piece, I must admit. I always had trouble rating the stories I put on FictionPress, too. Hopefully I'll get better at that as I write more.

[sirgallivant.livejournal.com]

It's thrilling. I can just imagine the guy character as some kind of alluring psychopath. Or Ariel at his worst.

I like how the tone of the piece is COMPLETELY different to your usual writing. You almost wouldn't guess that it's a Buneater piece.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly, good knight. I was almost amazed at how obligingly these two characters established themselves; especially Rena, who provided her own name with very little prompting.

It is quite a different tone, isn’t it? That wasn’t intentional – there’s actually a section towards the start where I tried to lighten the atmosphere a bit, but the story was having none of it.

[flamehail.livejournal.com]

It is quite a different tone, isn’t it? That wasn’t intentional – there’s actually a section towards the start where I tried to lighten the atmosphere a bit, but the story was having none of it.

I noticed that, actually. I was thinking, this is different, and then I said, "There's Bun!" and then it went back to being serious. I like it. ^_^ And, ya know, if the characters ever decide to tell you more of your story, feel free to share with us...^_~

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you! I shall certainly share such stories if they ever turn up. I'd be intrigued to know where on earth these two came from, too.

Hehe - yes! I was briefly in there, until the story overwhelmed me. I'm glad you liked it though. :)

[blindmouse.livejournal.com]

Mm. I thought I saw you in the "And stop smiling like that comment", but in general - very different.

Yay for playing with styles. You've presented the mood here very skillfully.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I did turn up there again, didn't I? Thanks for the compliment, good Blindmouse. :D

[drscruffy.livejournal.com]

ooo... that was cool. Very dark and seductive despite feeling a little creepy. An excellent way to spend 15 minutes :)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

It was great fun to write and it felt like much longer than fifteen minutes! When I first checked my time, only five minutes had passed, although I could have sworn it felt more like at least ten.

[bunhusband.livejournal.com]

Wait a minute.... You can write stories?? When did you discover this little ability??? You should do more of this!!!


And i know that nobody likes a gloater, but see??? See???
Maybe you should think more about writing in that style i suggested, remember???:):)

And now i leave, letting all your friends wonder about what kind of style i would like you to write in....

Bunhusband

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Trust me, most of my friends would be well aware of what 'style' you'd like me to write in... :P

[the-kaytinator.livejournal.com]

Will there be lesbians?

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

You know it.

[peachynat3.livejournal.com]

My only criticism is that I want to know more, I want to read the rest of their story! :P It does like a fun task though.. I guess it kind of takes away all the rules and you're free to go wherever the words take you. Great work. I'd love to read more of these from you :)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly! "I want to read more," is possibly my favourite response to any piece of my writing. :)

I think the best bit about these things is that there's no pressure. I can just sit down and write something without thinking about the audience or a word-limit or an obligation. All I have to do is write.

[starlingthefool.livejournal.com]

Yay writing prompts! I'll have to check out this group too. As for your piece, it was wonderfully creepy. You could write a whole novel with these characters.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

I can't thank you enough for pointing me in the direction of these things. :D

These two have been stuck in my head all day. I keep wondering what their past is and why they're in that situation and what sort of pain and horror have been caused by his hands... I'm thinking of tightening the piece up a little and maybe submitting it to a flash magazine or something.

[dizzy-liz.livejournal.com]

Writing promts are so healthy. But I'm always frustrated, cause I can write a good 'one of' scene but never a whole piece! I like random scenes though... yours were well written, and creepy! Well done.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I hear what you're saying. I think it would be quite rare for a longer story or a novel to unfold from a writing prompt, but you never know. I'm mostly doing them to inspire me to write with pressure or expectation. And for fun, of course!

Thank-you muchly for your kind comments. :)

[naelany.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head and grants me another languid smile full of cruetly. “No.” Psst, it's cruelty ^_~

And uhm...very interesting reading ^_~.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Cursed typo! Thanks for pointing that out.

Glad you found it interesting. :D

[naelany.livejournal.com]

*grins* You're welcome ^_^

I found it quite interesting. The more so because it wasn't like anything I've read by you so far

[alankria.livejournal.com]

Very intriguing, my dear. I look forward to more brief forays into the mind of the Bun.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly! I'm hoping there will be many, many more such forays. :D

[(Anonymous)]

Very nice, Katie! I find writing prompts are good practice and fun. =D

-Kelly Parra

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly! And yes they are, especially when they go well. :)

[flippyfrog.livejournal.com]

and then.... and then...?? You can't leave me there! *flounces dramatically*

as you can tell, i thought it was frightfully shite :P

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

I will never write another word!

Well, apart from the next bit to this ficlet.