15minuteficlets // Prompt word: electric // “The Tree on the Battlefield”

[katiefoolery]

Here is my third ficlet for the 15minuteficlets community.  I do love writing these!  This one was inspired by a certain character of mine who decided to die on me recently...

It was a bit tricky to write this at times, as it refers to a place with a complicated history, not to mention the convoluted connection between the narrator (Katarrin) and Mack.  The country they live in is divided into many, many counties, although most people either refer to themselves as Northerners or Southerners.  The Northerners have always been both aggressive and protective, proud of their strength and their heritage.  The Southerners tend to resent this... then they started a war.

---

Title: The Tree on the Battlefield
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG
Word count: 612
Prompt word: electric

I didn’t hate the Southerners.  Let’s get that straight - they’re not worth it.  They can start a war; they can destroy my family, my life and my country, but they’ll never earn my hate.

Cowards aren’t worth hating.

Mack wanted to stop me from going to war.  Yeah, I know what that look’s for and believe me, the element of surprise definitely worked in my favour.  Often.  I mean, what am I?  Short, female, un-threatening...  But believe me when I say I can hurt people if I need to.  And no self-respecting Northerner could stay safely at home, away from a fight for our own country and still be able to live with themselves.

So I had no choice and he knew it.  He knew he couldn’t stop me, but it didn’t stop him trying.  And when he decided he was coming with me, nothing I said would change his mind.  If I was so determined to do this foolish human thing, he said, then at least he could make sure I stayed alive throughout it.

He might have been fey, but he was the closest thing I had to family.  Not a friend, not a lover, not a brother... just Mack.  Just my shadow.  I used to feel funny if he wasn’t beside me.  People would look at me strangely if I walked into a room without him, as though I wasn’t really Katarrin if Mack wasn’t right there behind me.

I really don’t hate the Southerners, but I do wish they hadn’t started their stupid war. The wounded pride of five hundred years past is no reason to begin a battle like that.  I should laugh at myself here, because we never thought the Southerners had any pride.  What a way to discover that they did.

There are a lot of things I’d rather forget about the war.  The dirt, the blood, the smell of death.  The way these things stopped bothering me after a while.  But I do remember there was a tree there - a beautiful tree in the middle of a battlefield - because I sat against it as he killed himself for me.

Well, I say “sat” but I suppose I really mean “leant hopelessly against it”.  The idea that I was actually capable of sitting is laughable.  I was surprised my body still remembered how to breathe; my heart, how to beat.

And Mack...  Well, Mack thought my life was worth more than his.

Idiot.

I would have died otherwise.  I don’t doubt that.  We were more than surrounded and it was just the two of us.  And at that point, Mack was the only one capable of standing.  I was the one tilted against a tree trunk, fighting desperately for each breath and wishing pathetically that I could do something.  Anything.

There wasn’t even enough energy to raise a circle.  My hands were resting against the earth but no energy flowed into them.  I couldn’t have coped with it even if I had managed to draw anything in.  I couldn’t have summoned us up a miraculous escape.

I couldn’t even find the strength to tell him not to do it.

Oh, his death... his death was electric.  He broke my heart and soul into little pieces, standing in the middle of the battlefield in all his fey beauty.  He never was so magnificent as when he glowed with life and smiled at me, before shattering into a cloud of splintered light.

And all I could do was sit there against that stupid, beautiful tree, watching him destroy himself and hating him with every fibre of my being.  Because he was so worth hating.

---

Comments and feedback are most appreciated. :D

Comments

[alankria.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That was incredibly moving. In such a short space you managed to convey so much emotion -- Katarrin's bitterness and love for Mack felt so real I thought I could touch it. I can see why you were so upset when Mack informed you of his death. *hugs*

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly, good Alankria. I'm glad that weird mix of bitterness and affection came across. I think I can identify quite strongly with Katarrin in how she feels about Mack's killing himself like that.

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

You are very good at the first person perspective. I wish I could do that. But, alas, it was drilled out of me in set strat. ;)

What is a fey?

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly! I used to avoid first-person like the plague but then it started growing on me... probably like the plague. Most of my stories seem to come in first-person these days.

The short answer to your question is "an elf" but most defintely not a Tolkien elf; rather, a Celtic one.

May I ask what "set strat" is? It sounds painful.

[pitkat.livejournal.com]

heh, sed strat is short for sedimentology and stratigraphy. It's what I specialize in for geology.

I'm trying to remind myself what a celtic elf would look like, but sounds interesting! :)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Well, they probably don't look that different, it's more their attitude. If 'real' elves heard that humans were about to be enslaved to a dark lord, they'd probably be really happy about it. If they could be bothered to care, that is. :P

[rilla06.livejournal.com]

Bunne, you made me cry.

:'(

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

*hands over some tissues*

This is why I snuck out of work to cry in the toilets the other day. I still can't believe Mack did this to me.

*sniffles*

[rilla06.livejournal.com]

Oooh, now I can totally understand going off the cry in the toilets...

WHY, MACK??? WHYYYY???

*makes use of tissues*

[blindmouse.livejournal.com]

Ooh... very nice.

Was the prompt word 'hate'?

I have a soft spot for self-sacrificial death, I have to admit. Something to do with Sydney Carton, probably.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you, good Blindmouse. The prompt word was actually 'electric', but I can definitely see how you might think it was hate. I think Katarrin has a few issues to work out there...

Your comment makes me want to read A Tale of Two Cities again. :D

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, you can really write, you should write a book or something...

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Gosh, whoever could this be?

Probably the same person who's in the kitchen, cooking me my dinner. :P

[flippyfrog.livejournal.com]

Oush me gouton croutons. That was a tear jerker... I just wanna smack Mack one, bastardo, getting himself killed like that. I'll just go find a 2x4 and whack him one.

Read as Ordered Ma'am!

*is frog-marched off to the next one*

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, there was a great need for the old 2x4 when Mack made his great announcement. I shall never forgive him for this.

You're being very obedient tonight!

*is immediately suspicious*

[gravityslave.livejournal.com]

Wow. I love how well the ending folds back into the beginning.
Thank-you for sharing!

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

No, thank-you for reading. :D I do like to try and mirror my beginnings in my endings.

[gravityslave.livejournal.com]

Me too. :-)
But I love it even more when other people do it and I get to read it! It's better than good pastry when that happens.

[naelany.livejournal.com]

*blinks* where's the rest? I want to read the rest... *pokes* do you delight in "cliffhangers" m'dear..or the better description, I suppose, would be "teasers". :P
In other words, I love it lol

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

With this one, there might actually be more. Well, there will be more if the four incredibly bossy characters in my head have any say about it. Glad you liked it. :D

[naelany.livejournal.com]

Yay! This be good news indeed ^_^

[elspethelf.livejournal.com]

That was incredible. It bought tears to my eyes. Did you seriously write it in 15 minutes? There is such a strong voice in your narrative, I'm really floored.

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Wow - thank-you! Yes, indeed I did write it in fifteen minutes, so it's a little unpolished around the edges. Luckily, the story was very firm within my imagination, so it behaved itself when I wrote it out. :)

[sirgallivant.livejournal.com]

Argh! (The 'argh' of shock and being impressed - not to be confused with any other 'argh').

You have captured bittersweetness to perfection. These are wonderful, good Buneater. I look forward to reading more.

*dashes off to toilets feeling weepy*

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Hehe - for a minute there, I thought it might have been the 'argh' of unexpectedly sitting down on a cat, but I was relieved to find I was incorrect.

Thank-you muchly for your comments, good knight. My head is now quite swollen with compliments. *hugs*

Great job

[(Anonymous)]

A very nice read! I enjoyed it! =D

Kelly Parra

Re: Great job

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Thank-you muchly. :)

[tangledtale.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness I have no aspirations to be a writer because I think I would look at this utterly devastating piece of yours, written in less time than it takes me to make an omelette, and I would despair. This is so wonderful. I feel like we shouldn't be too superlative with our comments because there's the knowledge that, as you said, these pieces are still rough and unhewn, spooling out from your pen against the ticking of the clock, but still...this one. This one was beautiful: the voice (how she would pause and reroute her monologue along bitter tangents), the structure, how the story looped back on itself creating an ending that felt...well, electric, I suppose. :P

I remember reading this back when you posted it and telling myself not to let this one slip my memory so that I would be able to comment on it quickly. Obviously, that turned out well, but I hope that it's not too late to comment and that you don't look upon this piece with the kind of loathing that many writers feel towards work that's been sitting around for a while, out of the reach of their and their vicious red pen. ;)

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Galli, thank-you so much for your comment. It really was a wondereful thing to read first thing in the morning. I think you wrote more in your comment than I did in my fic! (And that's not a bad thing - a long comment is a lovely thing to receive.)

It's definitely not too late to comment - I think I still like this fic. It's probably one of my favourites.