katiefoolery: (Coconut modem)
There's the strangest feeling in the air these days and I know exactly how to describe it. Which is useful, really, otherwise I'd just be sitting here making strange gestures and saying Oh, you know, it's sort of like this with a bit of that and actually, it's a bit like the smell of freshly-baked scones if I think about it...

But no.

The feeling is exactly as though a coin has been tossed and I'm waiting for it to come down. As though something very spectacular is about to happen but I just don't know what. Meanwhile, I'm just watching... waiting for the coin to fall and for things to be set in place.

What things?

What place?

I have no idea. All I know is that it's a weirdly euphoric feeling.

Something that's not making me weirdly euphoric is this vague plan I have of doing something before Christmas. I can't say much more, since I'm going to be posting it here eventually - suffice to say, I'm both anticipating it and putting it off in one breath. That multi-tasking procrastination thing again.

And it has a lingering air of hypocrisy, due mostly to conversations I've been having with my writer lately.

Firstly, my writer will exclaim that it's impossible to finish this chapter. That they can't write fight scenes. That it's been too long since they last wrote and surely the standard of writing will have dropped due to lack of use.

To which I reply: Nonsense. Rubbish. Of course you can write fight scenes. Of course you can finish this chapter. Now shut up and get on with it.

I'm a very considerate, sensitive beta.


And then my writer will pick up past passages and say they can't write like that any more and how the hell did they write something so incredible in the first place?

To which I reply: Less angsting, more writing.

Very considerate and sensitive.


Yet, now I find myself in my writer's place... except I'm not being quite as positive to myself. When I say I can't write like that any more; when I say I can't find that voice again; when I say I'm doomed to failure... I agree. Cheerfully.

Yes, you are! Why not forget about it and have a nice cup of tea instead?

And that, my friends, is hypocrisy at work. Unfortunately, hypocrisy happens to share top spot with passive-aggressiveness on my list of My Most Hated Things (DIAF Pls). (This list also includes eggplant and people who think their brains are purely for plumping their skulls out.) But I digress.

I'm going to do my best to overcome this bout of hypocrisy and your good wishes would be most appreciated.

They'll be extra-appreciated if said good wishes come with good luck chocolates or snacks of some sort. :D


May. 2nd, 2007 06:50 pm
katiefoolery: (Gotcha)
I’m sick of being a hoarder.

I’m sick of having a garage full of boxes of things that I haven’t even seen for two years and, more important, that I haven’t needed for two years.

I’m sick of having desk drawers full of books and papers dating back to when I was at secondary school, on of the off change that they might “come in handy one day”.  Because they won’t.  They haven’t so far and I doubt that they ever will.

I want to get over all of that.  I want to take all of this pointless rubbish and throw it away and start a new life as a non-hoarding-type person.  I don’t want to suffer a little pang of doubt every time I throw anything away.  I just want to get rid of all of this stuff and see what it feels like to be free.

And wow - did almost every sentence back there start with “I”?  You know, I think that just might be the case.  I blame this on the fact that I’ve just learnt that I may have to move in the next month or so.

The only thing that’s capable of stressing me to the point of tears (beyond finding out that an incompetent bursar has left me owing the government $1,200 in taxes) is moving house.  I hate it with a passion - and not just because last time we moved house, I was without internet for three weeks... although that’s a pretty major consideration.  It’s stressful and misery-inducing and I’m settled down here and I don’t want to move.  I’ve only recently managed to overcome the urge to run screaming at the sight of large boxes.  It’s taken months and months to get to that stage.

On the up side, moving house means I’d have a chance to throw out all of those boxes and stop being a hoarder.

On the down side, I’d still be moving house and becoming close friends with Frustration and Stress and... no.  Just... no.

April 2011

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